tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42181797352571383382024-02-19T17:45:46.485-08:00Jewish Organizational CoachingMy Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-38958825334317498052008-03-14T09:09:00.000-07:002008-03-14T11:14:03.939-07:00The Committee Members' Hat TrickEvery time I think I know a thing or two about volunteerism in the Jewish community, I talk to someone who knows at least three or more things that I never could have articulated as beautifully.<br /><br />Yesterday, I sat down with my dynamic, discerning and damn smart shul President, <a href="http://www.lizkislik.com/">Liz Kislik.</a> While our primary objective was to brainstorm ideas for increasing synagogue membership, we covered various topics, as two professional consultants moonlighting as Jewish communal lay leaders/mothers/wives, etc. are inclined to do.<br /><br />There were many moments of genius from <a href="http://www.lizkislik.com/">Liz </a>-- and here is just one that I am feeling selfless about sharing:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.lizkislik.com/">Liz's</a> Three (but not only) Criteria for Committee Members<br /><br />1) A positive attitude and a general sense of optimism<br /><br />2) The ability to make intelligent and logical arguments<br /><br />3) At least one other person should be willing to work with them!<br /><br />Why do I love these? Because somewhere, between strict checklists of criteria and simple prayer for participation among the breathing, we just know at a gut level that Liz's criteria are what we are really looking for.<br /><br />How else do I know these hold holy water? Because if you think about your committees that are not working, chances are you've got folks on them that are violating between 1 and 3 of these criteria.<br /><br />So...is your President as smart as mine?<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-65081272032402485972008-03-10T11:44:00.000-07:002008-03-10T11:55:07.397-07:00Get Off Your But!Ask anyone who does improv about their first class, and chances are, they'll tell you they learned to play "Yes, And..."<br /><br />"Yes, And..." is a classic exercise that sets up a fundamental condition for improvisers to collaborate together on stage: agreeing to move the agenda or scene forward. <br /><br />So for example, if I start a scene with, "Did you hear about the tornado coming our way?" the next player might say, "Yeah, and it's supposed to wipe out all of our power for a month!" It takes the premise I set up -- and moves it ahead.<br /><br />It's the opposite of "Yes, But" which denies the "reality" that one player has established:<br /><br />"Did you hear about the tornado coming our way?"<br />"Yeah, but it's not a big deal."<br /><br />See how that kind of sucks the wind out of everything? (Pun intended, I guess.) Where do we go from there?<br /><br />Try these on for size:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"I love you, but..."</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"You're doing good work, but..."</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"I'd like to give you a raise, but..."</span><br /><br />Hmmm...warm fuzzies, anyone?<br /><br />This week at work: Try to count how many "buts" you use that discount, block or deny progress. See where you can use "and" to gain agreement and commitment, and add to someone's idea.<br /><br />Will it make a difference? Yes, AND... (you can fill that one in for me after you try it!)<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-38964219235417894752008-02-28T07:51:00.001-08:002008-02-28T08:02:39.833-08:00Professionals and Lay Leaders: Together AgainEvery time I get a call to do a training session on "Lay Pro Relations" this is what happens:<br /><br />1) I get excited because I love the topic<br />2) I ask the organizer of the event to please change the title of the session<br /><br />Why? Because I think Lay Pro <span style="font-weight: bold;">Relations </span>already implies that there's something wrong, something that needs fixing, something that's inherently tough. It kind of sounds like "Marriage Counseling" -- which I am sure can and should be used to strengthen good marriages, but it just sounds...problematic.<br /><br />While on my <a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com">website</a>, I use the header "Lay Pro Relations" so that people can find it using their language, I call the session <a href="http://http://www.myjewishcoach.com/training.html#7">"Lay Pro Partnerships". </a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Partnership</span> implies something collaborative, healthy and constructive, don't you think? And that's what I teach -- how to make the volunteer and professional partnership one of communicated expectations, role clarity, shared vision, attention to how the relationship is working, understanding and appreciating differences, collaboration, recognition, etc. Not hand to hand combat. Not geared up for battle. And not assuming guilt until innocence is proven.<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-83784455176378360082008-02-13T07:43:00.000-08:002008-02-13T07:50:29.537-08:00Today's My Birthday!As a Jew, I observe Rosh Hashanah as a chance to set goals for the New Year.<br />As an American, I observe January 1st as a chance to set goals for the New Year.<br />As a coach, I observe every day as a chance to set goals for a New Year.<br /><br />Of course, today is my birthday, and it's another terrific opportunity.<br /><br />When I work with my clients on behavioral change, we usually break it down into three categories:<br /><br />Start<br />Stop<br />Continue<br /><br />Here's mine for my "Double Chai"* birthday:<br /><br />Start: Writing thank you notes more consistently<br />Stop: Hoarding my frequent flier miles -- and USE them<br />Continue: Not taking phone calls or checking emails when my kids come home from school<br /><br />What would you like to START, STOP and CONTINUE?<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />*Thanks to Debbi Roshfeld from UJC's Mandel Center for Leadership Excellence for framing my 36th birthday so Jewishly and beautifully!My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-40764125189615063302008-01-29T16:47:00.000-08:002008-01-29T17:04:43.226-08:00Eat, Eat! A Lesson on Networking"More business decisions occur over lunch and dinner than at any other time, yet no MBA courses are given on the subject." <b>Peter Drucker<br /><br /></b>Lunch? Dinner? Who has the time?<br /><br />Well, the Jewish mother in me says, "You gotta eat!" The organizational coach in me says, "If you're gonna eat, you might as well eat strategically!" No, strategic eating doesn't mean making sure that your meal has vegetables, protein and carbs (but don't tell that to my nutritionist). It means using your "down time" for a higher purpose.<br /><b><br /></b>I know this is not new. There are books about it, like <span class="sans">"Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time" by </span>by <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/105-8088784-2411611?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Keith%20Ferrazzi">Keith Ferrazzi</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/105-8088784-2411611?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Tahl%20Raz">Tahl Raz</a>.<br /><br />But in the same that NBC TV calls their re-runs "New To You" if you haven't already seen them, if you're not already actively networking, then this is, in fact, New To You.<br /><br />Here are some questions to get you started:<br /><br /><ol><li>If your network were "perfect" what three things would be different for you?</li><li>Where do you want to go in 6 months? a year? 3 years?</li><li>Who specifically can help you get there? How?</li><li>What's keeping you from taking a more active role in your own development?</li></ol><br />...and one more:<br /><br /> 5. Who in your existing network is draining you rather than giving you energy, and what might you do about this?<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-49119605329801306192008-01-15T05:08:00.000-08:002008-01-17T11:51:52.351-08:00Take this Job and...Describe It? Part II<p>So, more on the importance of job descriptions...(what am I talking about? check out part one <a href="http://jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/2008/01/take-this-job-anddescribe-it-part-i.html">here</a>)<br /><br /></p><p>Benefit #3: Rarely does a new-hire have every piece of knowledge, skill, and attitude needed for success. By using job descriptions as a check sheet for training, employees learn what they need to do. A collection of well-written job descriptions provide direction for future learning, too.<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> New and seasoned volunteers deserve training and education as well. Take your board, for example. Board member job descriptions will (read:should) include a part about fundraising responsibilities. Does that mean that every board member knows how to solicit <span style="font-style: italic;">a priori</span>? Of course not! But if it's in the job description, then a board member should 1) know it's a-coming and 2) rightfully expect to be trained on how to do it! For a sample board member job description, post on this blog and I'll put one up!</span> </p> <p>Benefit #4: Finally, job descriptions are great for structuring performance evaluations. Most company's performance evaluation forms are severely overly-generic. Accordingly, employees aren't sure just what they must do to get a stellar review.<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> Not reviewing your volunteers? I would say "tsk tsk", but who needs more Jewish guilt? Your volunteers need to be assessed, just like your staff does. Most volunteers want to be rewarded, positively reinforced, and recognized -- just like staff -- but a blanket "good job!" doesn't give them useful information about what specifically is working, and what could use additional attention. </span> </p> <p>Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a> </p>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-15049953774913174312008-01-15T04:51:00.000-08:002008-01-15T05:10:47.912-08:00Take this Job and...Describe It? Part II'm often curious how my TIVO comes up with my personalized recommendations for shows "she" thinks I would like -- and judging from suggestions ranging from the romantic <span style="font-style: italic;">Sense and Sensibility</span> to the demolition of <span style="font-style: italic;">Holmes on Homes, </span>"she" must find me quite a puzzlement. It's mutual, honey.<br /><br />In contrast, I am rarely curious -- and usually pleased -- with how my <a href="http://www.linkedin.com/myprofile?trk=tab_pro">LinkedIn profile </a>generates suggested articles for me. Here's a recent one about job descriptions that I enjoyed, and thought you might like as well. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">My additions are in red.</span><br /><br />(From <a href="http://www.management-issues.com/2008/1/9/opinion/how-to-hire--train--and-retain-great-employees.asp">Dan Bobinksi's Workplace Excellence</a>)<br /><br />A well-written job description is your key to saving hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">-- for the recruitment, retention and development of paid staff, as well as volunteer leadership.<br /><br />Here are two benefits -- more to come in the next posting!<br /></span> <p>Benefit #1: Clear, specific job descriptions make it easy to create interview questions that weed out applicants who don't match - and identify ones who do. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Deb's note: Think about how to apply this for volunteer positions as well. Ever try to "fire" a volunteer? It's not pretty -- and it can often be avoided by putting the right people in the right positions in the first place.</span><br /></p><p>Benefit #2: Even the best, most engaged new-hire becomes bored and disengaged if he doesn't think he's contributing to something bigger than himself. Written job descriptions are foundational for helping people see how their work fits into the bigger picture. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Keep in mind that job descriptions can and should be a living document -- and should be used beyond hiring and performance evaluations. When used effectively, they can frequently reinforce the context for work. Volunteer job descriptions can similarly reinforce the context and importance of work, and can be used to begin a conversation about whether a volunteer is ready to move on to another, more engaging assignment.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Check back for 2 more benefits later in the week.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"></span></p>Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-22361896334479206622008-01-09T06:13:00.000-08:002008-01-09T12:05:26.452-08:00Work-Life Balance: What the Jews can Learn from a MonkLast February, I was a speaker at the Training Magazine Conference and Exposition, sharing some highlights from "Corporate Universities in the Non-Profit Sector," a chapter I wrote in a business book (or as my mom put it: "dry") <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Next-Generation-Corporate-Universities-Organizational/dp/0787986550">The Next Generation of Corporate Universities</a> </span></span>(Mark Allen, ed.) One of the best things about speaking at conferences is that you get to attend the rest of the sessions for free, and I found myself in a session with a captivating speaker, Kenny Moore, former monk and present-day business executive. Talk about bashert -- he is the Corporate Ombudsman and Human Resources Director at KeySpan Corporation (now <a href="http://www.nationalgrid.com/">National Grid</a>), where my husband works!<br /><br />Anyhow, Kenny, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/CEO-Monk-Companys-Journey-Purpose/dp/0471450111/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199908917&sr=1-1">"<span style="text-decoration: underline;">The CEO and the Monk" </span></a> and host of the <a href="http://www.kennythemonk.com/">KennytheMonk.com</a> website wrote a great piece in an email about Work-Life Balance that I am reproducing here, with not just his permission but his blessings (I mean, he was a <span style="font-style: italic;">monk...). </span>BTW: He told me he loves the <a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">MyJewishCoach.com</a> website!<br /><br />So keep reading...<br /><br />Work-Life Balance: A Conspiracy of Optimism<br />By Kenny Moore<br /><br />Work-Life balance is, at best, a fabrication. At worst, a cruel hoax.<br /><br />It's time to stop believing all the hype. As adults, we well understand that it's never been a question of balance. It's always been a question of choice. As the Spanish proverb reminds us: "Take what you want, says God, just pay for it."<br /><br />Living with the Consequences<br /><br />Sharon Edelstein has a young daughter named Rebecca. Sharon came home from work one day and found her jumping on the bed and told her to stop - she was going to get hurt. "I won't get hurt" Rebecca said, and continued bouncing. Her mother repeated the warning and added that she might also break the bed. "No, I won't," Rebecca insisted. Her mother gave up. "Fine," she said. "Do what you want. You'll just have to live with the consequences." Rebecca immediately stopped bouncing. "I don't want to go and live with them, Mommy," she said. "I don't even know who the Consequences are."<br /><br />As the ancient seers stated so well, we don't get to do everything in a single lifetime. We merely get to make choices. Not all choices. Only some. And we pay a price for the one's we choose. Sort of like being at a buffet luncheon without your cardiologist. You can eat anything that's available; you have only to deal with the aftereffects.<br /><br />Growing old gracefully provides more than ample opportunity to get clear about what we consider important and then make our decisions accordingly. In this journey called life, we're all free to do whatever we want. And like Rebecca, we need only live with the consequences.<br /><br />But don't expect to get balance. What we'll get is stress: that dynamic tension of trying to creatively live out our lives in a less-than-perfect world. And we're required to do it all as frail, flawed and frightened mortals.<br /><br />Want a high-flying business career? Go for it.<br />Might you desire to get married, raise a family and live in conjugal bliss? Good for you.<br />Maybe you'd prefer to use your artistic talents and create a world of new possibilities? God bless.<br />Perhaps you'd want to be independent and care free? I'm envious.<br />But if you expect to have it all, get ready to play center stage in your own exciting Greek Tragedy.<br /><br />Finding Help in Unusual Places<br /><br />I've got a wife who works full time and two teen age boys who are experts at disrupting the status quo. I spend most of my days behind a desk in a corporate job. I haven't yet found any balance. Mostly, I've found chaos. But alas, on a good day, some insight.<br /><br />I no longer look to Jack Welch or Oprah Winfrey to give much help in discerning life's mystery. Rather, I look to the poets. Freud got a few things right and he was certainly on to something when he said: "Everywhere I go, I find a poet has been there before me."<br /><br />Making choices and living out the inherent tension it creates requires a focus on "being" rather than "doing." The ability to be silent, ponder the deeper possibilities and creatively craft a life-response are aspects of maturity more closely akin to the work of a Poet than a CEO.<br /><br />Fostering this poetic outlook requires a personal discipline that may not be to everyone's liking. For those not yet ready to embrace it but prefer an addiction to cell phones, e-mails and non-stop meetings, e. e. cummings offers some practical words of advice:<br /><br />Poetry is being, not doing<br />If you would follow,<br />Even at a distance,<br />The poet's calling,<br />You've got to come out of the<br /><br />Measurable doing universe<br />Into the immeasurable house of being.<br /><br />Nobody can be alive for you.<br />Nor can you be alive for anyone else.<br /><br />If you can take it, take it and be,<br />If you can't, cheer up and go about<br />Other people's business, and do and undo<br />Until you drop.<br /><br /><br />Wasting Time: a Portal to the Divine<br /><br />There's been a spate of books about Atheism surfacing of late on the New York Time's Best Seller list, but I don't think it's gaining broad acceptance. For most people, it's not a practical choice. It seems Henny Youngman's experience continues to hold sway: "I thought about becoming an atheist, but I gave it up. There were no Holidays."<br /><br />The real threat for modern folks is not a lack of belief. It's a lack of time. We're so busy being productive and trying to get balance in our lives that we're in danger of missing the Divine when He shows up.<br /><br />Being busy may work wonders for our Professional life, but it wreaks havoc on our Interior one.<br /><br />If we want to find some semblance of sanity and advance in our Spiritual Journey, we may need to slow down, risk being less productive and indulge in the ancient rite of "Wasting Time."<br /><br />In my earlier days, I spent 15 years in a monastic community as a Catholic priest. I remember once reading about "The Good Samaritan Experiment" with 40 seminarians at Princeton Theological Seminary. After waxing eloquently about their dedication to God and all His people, they were asked to deliver a sermon on the parable of The Good Samaritan. For those lacking the rigors of monastic studies, it's the story told by Jesus about a man who was set upon by robbers, beaten and left on the side of the road. A priest walks by and offers no help. Neither does a Levite, another religious leader of the era. It's a lone man from Samaria, hated by the local gentry, who goes out of his way to offer assistance - hence the title: Good Samaritan.<br /><br />In the Princeton experiment, when the seminarians had their homily prepared, they were asked to walk to another part of the campus and deliver their sermon to waiting students. Half were told to hurry, because they were running late. The others were informed there was no rush, they had plenty of time.<br /><br />As they journeyed across campus, the experimenters arranged to have an actor slumped as a "victim" strategically positioned along their route so that the seminarians were forced to step over or around the man.<br /><br />So, who stopped to help ... and who didn't? They were all budding "men of the cloth" on their way to deliver a sermon on just such a situation.<br /><br />What the experiment revealed was that those who were in a hurry passed the "victim" by. Those with time to spare, stopped and helped. It seems altruism and our commitment to our fellow man is less connected to our religious beliefs and more closely aligned with having some free time.<br /><br />When the Divine shows up, most of us are busy being too productive to even notice His presence. Maybe God doesn't care whether we go to church, temple or mosque. Maybe He's already out in the world waiting to meet us, but we keep passing Him by because we're in such a hurry.<br /><br />Paying a Price for Living our Lives<br /><br />Since leaving the monastery, I'd had two near-death experiences. The first was with "incurable" cancer. The second, a heart attack. Both were not-so-subtle reminders that my time's running short.<br /><br />We're not going to be around forever, and we're not able to have it all. Acknowledging this will generate more than ample disappointment and regret. And we'll pay a price for it: Guilt.<br /><br />But don't be dismayed. Guilt doesn't necessarily mean that we've done something wrong. It's more an indication that we have said "no" to some larger authority: parent, teacher, boss. Guilt's an indication that we've chosen to live our own lives and not someone else's.<br /><br />Stop trying to achieve balance and start learning to enjoy chaos. Discovering and relishing one's imperfect life sooner rather than later is what's available.<br /><br />Oliver Wendell Holmes said that most of us go to our graves with our music still inside. So, forget about work-life balance and let go of the need to please everybody. Rather, get out there and make some choices and let your music resonate.<br /><br />The guilt won't kill you and you'll do just fine if some folks don't like you.<br /><br />And you certainly don't need to have it all. For as Steven Wright reminds us: even if you did, where would you put it?<br /><br />P.S. If you're thinking about writing me, give in to the temptation. I love getting mail ... and being influenced by what you have to say. Please e-mail me at <a href="mailto:kennythemonk@yahoo.com">kennythemonk@yahoo.com</a>.<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-78444336834426986732008-01-02T18:38:00.000-08:002008-01-09T12:04:36.296-08:00So my daughter Sophie doesn't believe in G-d...Or, at least, that's what she said when her twin brother Jacob said that he does. Which means I have no way of knowing if she doesn't believe, or if she is continuing yet another year's resolution of doing and saying the opposite of Jacob.<br /><br />Whether or not she was trying to get a rise out of me -- or raise some genuine questions -- I shared a thought with her about a fundamental difference between Christianity and Judaism that I had learned from a JTS professor who spoke at my shul last year (and as soon as I can remember who it is, I will let you know). He explained that Christianity is a religion of <span style="font-weight: bold;">beliefs</span> -- you must buy in to the whole megillah (not their word for it, of course), and failure to believe is sinful. Judaism, on the other hand, is a religion of <span style="font-weight: bold;">behaviors</span> -- you are judged on what you DO more than what you believe. Not believing in G-d doesn't absolve you from treating others with dignity and respect, or from engaging in the mitzvot. Being Jewish is about doing.<br /><br />Do I care what she believes as Jew? Honestly, yes, I do. But that's because I'm her mom. But what the rest of the world will see about Sophie is how she behaves: respecting others, speaking kindly, sharing her gifts. That's what being a Jew is about.<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com/">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-406727330208965002007-12-27T07:32:00.000-08:002007-12-27T08:59:15.869-08:00A Price Above Platinum: The Gift of Listening"Each person was given two ears and one tongue so that one may listen more than speak." Hasdai Ibn Crescas<br /><br />I think most of us are waaaaaaay out of proportion. The fact that most of us do far more talking than listening is a no-brainer. What does take some thought is how we can engage in real, committed, attentive listening -- an incredible, memorable gift.<br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />The <a href="http://www.ila.org">International Listening Association</a> (yep, there is one!) gives us the following stats:</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span> <ul><li><span style="font-size:100%;">We usually recall only 50% immediately after we listen to someone talk</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">We only remember about 20% of what we hear</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">Less than 2% of us have formal educational experience with listening (in fact, I am doing a full-day session on Listening Skills for the U.S. Army this March. I wanted to call it "Atten-TION! Slow Down and Listen Up!" but the Army didn't think this was as clever as I did. Oh, well.)</span></li></ul>I recall with complete clarity the day I was given the rare gift of committed, uninterrupted listening. One day when I was working at <a href="http://www.ujc.org">United Jewish Communities</a>, I had a meeting with a colleague of mine, Janice Stolar (now the Chief Advancement Officer of <a href="http://www.ortamerica.org">Ort America)</a>. As soon as I sat down in her office, I had Janice's undivided attention. Within seconds, I heard the tell-tale chime of an email coming in. Janice didn't flinch. A phone call followed, and Janice didn't even check the caller ID. We had five or six more potential interruptions -- and I say potential, because Janice didn't allow them to become actual. Our time was sacred to her, and in a single 15-minute meeting, my respect for Janice multiplied many times over.<br /><br />How powerful was that listening? Well, I still remember it six years later, and when I saw Janice this year at the <a href="http://www.ujc.org/ga">General Assembly</a> I reminded her about it, too. And you know what? She didn't need reminding. She remembered that conversation -- probably because she was really and truly present.<br /><br />Now, without showing off, I must proclaim that I am among the 2% of people who have had formal training -- both through my Masters program in Social Work, and through my coach training program at Coach U. Despite what I have learned in the classroom (and what I have paid tens of thousands of dollars for), two more powerful things have taught me to be a committed, undistracted listener: 1) the sheer repetition of practicing my listening skills in every coaching conversation that I have and 2) my experience with Janice.<br /><br />Who listens to you the way you deserve to be listened to? Who deserves your complete attention? How might turning off the blackberry, cell phone, and ignoring other distractions help you improve your relationships with colleagues, lay leaders, friends and family? What is your single biggest challenge? Let me know!<br /><br />Deborah<br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com">www.myjewishcoach.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com">www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com">www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com</a>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-57376389244371363712007-12-20T16:19:00.000-08:002007-12-20T16:55:24.429-08:00A Shiur for SupervisionIn "life before consulting", I was the Director of Education and Training for <a href="http://www.ujc.org/">United Jewish Communities</a> Mandel Center for Leadership Excellence. (UJC is the umbrella organization for 155 Jewish Federations and 400 affiliated communities.) Because our department focused on developing skills, career paths, and learning experiences for professional staff as well as volunteers, we were participants in and facilitators of many, many conversations about supervision -- what skills new supervisors need to successfully transition to their new roles, how good supervision helps professionals to grow in their roles, the importance of training, mentoring and coaching for supervisors, and of course, how poor supervision can quickly turn a dedicated Jewish communal professional into an active job-seeker.<br /><br />I was one of the lucky ones. My supervisor, Debbi, knew exactly when to offer support and when to offer direction, made herself available to discuss problems while still expecting me to bring her solutions, allowed me the freedom to take professional risks, and demonstrated genuine interest in me as a person. We had the kind of supervisory relationship that I know was the envy of many -- and it was the envy of many because so many were lacking what I -- we -- had.<br /><br />Debbi and I often reflected on the old adage, "people don't leave bad jobs -- they leave bad supervisors." We had seen it happen so frequently within the Jewish communal world that it appeared to be an epidemic. And every time another instance occurred, she and I shook our heads, and drew closer, not unlike a married couple who bonds together against the news of a another couple's divorce.<br /><br />Until it was time for me to leave. How on earth would I be able to communicate to Debbi that this was one of the exceptions -- I was not leaving a bad supervisor, and in fact, my relationship with her was one of the reasons I stayed as long as I did...<br /><br />I probably cannot remember everything I said in that tearful conversation, but I do know it was like Dorothy telling Scarecrow as she was leaving Oz that she would miss him most of all.<br />And true to form, Debbi knew just how to support me, professionally and personally.<br /><br />More than 4 years later, I am still in frequent contact with Debbi, and I consider her to be a member of my <a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com/">Personal Board of Directors</a>. And as I travel around the North American Jewish community training and coaching supervisors in Federations, schools, agencies, and other organizations, I feel blessed to have such a wonderful example to take with me as a rare, real-life case study of what supervision can and should be.<br /><br />Who is your model of an effective supervisor? For whom are you that model? What more do you need from yours? What more can you offer?<br /><br />Deborah<br />www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com<br />www.myjewishcoach.comMy Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-81952904539721735712007-12-19T05:38:00.000-08:002007-12-19T06:05:59.223-08:00Leadership is about what you DO!"Leadership is action, not position." -- Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation<br /><br />Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO -- or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you -- your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.<br /><br />I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization -- <span style="font-weight: bold;">the need to benefit</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">the need to contribute</span>. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me -- he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.<br /><br />Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you -- the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won't let you distract me!).<br /><br />Here's the question: does your level of contribution -- decisions made, problems solved, resources developed -- meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?<br /><br />If you're not sure, are you willing to ask? If you're willing to ask, who will you start with? If you're not willing, why?<br /><br />In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, "Don't make excuses. Make good."My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-59745245021089405362007-12-16T18:07:00.001-08:002007-12-17T17:04:05.173-08:00Frustrated with Jewish Communal Work: An Evocative QuestionMy husband Michael sits on the executive committee of our kids' Jewish day school. An alum of the school himself, he takes his board work seriously, and is proudly following in the footsteps of his parents (his dad was board president and his mom was president of the Parents Association). And like so many of us involved in mission-driven work, he has come home from his board meetings frustrated at times -- with a process, a decision, a comment, etc.<br /><br />When I see his annoyance, I often think about a comment I heard from Reconstructionist <a href="http://www.rrc.edu/site/c.iqLPIWOEKrF/b.2515613/k.A967/David_Teutsch_PhD.htm">Rabbi David Teutsch</a>, one of the foremost Jewish communal thinkers in America, who currently leads the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College's Center for Jewish Ethics. When discussing the interplay of Jewish values and organizational decision making, he commented that "the people who make the decisions should also feel the pain of those decisions."<br /><br />I have to imagine that he meant pain both literally and figuratively -- but I do know that many of us in Jewish communal work -- paid or volunteer -- feel that pain, that frustration, that disappointment often enough for us to wonder if this is worth the tsuris.<br /><br />While I don't have the answers, I do have an evocative question for you to ask yourself, shared with me by master coach <a href="http://www.acoach4u.com/">Steve Mitten:</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Do you want to serve where it's easy -- or where you're needed?</span><br /><br /></span>What did that bring up for you? What answers? What feelings? What considerations? Sit with your thoughts for a while. Ask yourself again on a different kind of day. Ask your professional or lay counterpart. Have a discussion.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>On my last day of coaching school at <a href="http://www.coachinc.com/CoachU/default.asp?s=1">Coach U.</a>, my esteemed faculty team warned us that coaches are NOT to coach their family members without their permission. I tested that theory out soon after graduation, and found, of course, that they were right on the money.<br /><br />So the next time I see Michael come home from a board meeting feeling that way, I think I'll just hear him out, and <span style="font-style: italic;">maybe</span> let him know that I have a blog entry he might want to check out...<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-77155310851622342007-12-14T11:10:00.000-08:002007-12-15T17:24:57.298-08:00Say "RA! RA!" to get Staff and Volunteers Motivated!<div>RA! RA!<br /><br />Yes, when it comes to getting your staff, volunteers, donors, members, etc. excited and engaged about their work for and connection to your Jewish organization, you're going to need to create a little <span style="font-style: italic;">ruach</span>: "RA! RA!"<br /><br />Now before you pull out your high-school pom-poms, try this less embarrassing and more effective approach to rally the troops:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">R</span> - Recognition: Tell your staff members and volunteers <span style="font-style: italic;">specifically</span> what they have done to make your life easier and/or how they have contributed to the organization's mission. Make sure that you meet each person's preferences for how they like to be recognized (publicly vs. privately, in-person vs. over the phone, in writing, with a small token, etc.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A</span> - Appreciation: The options are endless and you can find one that fits your budget and timing: take someone to lunch, give a Starbucks gift card, stop and ask them about a hobby or personal interest, offer some schedule flexibility, allot some professional development budget for them, or just take the time to tell them. Oh, and remember handwritten thank you notes? They never go out of style!</div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">R</span> - Respect: Trade in the Golden Rule (treat others as you would want to be treated) for the Platinum Rule (treat others as THEY would would want to be treated). So, while you are finding out how each of your staff and volunteers defines respect, here's one universally appreciated gift: Listening. <em>Really</em> listening. That means listening on two levels -- for both content (what is being said, and what isn't being said) and emotion (how the message is being communicated). To do this effectively, you'll need to put away the Blackberry, turn off the lap top, and get rid of any other distractions. Attentive listening is hard -- and desperately needed. But its free of charge and looks good on everyone. Try it. </div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A</span> - Accountability: When the U.S. Army was looking for a workshop on Accountability, they found my online self-assessment, downloaded it, and called us up for training. I invite you to take this assessment and see where your staff and volunteers may be looking to you for greater leadership: <a href="http://www.myjewishcoach.com/pdf/accountability-self-assess.pdf">www.myjewishcoach.com/pdf/accountability-self-assess.pdf</a>.</div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>When it comes to retaining your organizations most important resources -- your human resources -- make sure you take the time and make the effort to give them what they need to keep contributing. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>RA! RA!</div><br /><div> </div>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218179735257138338.post-14603188715533027172007-12-14T10:59:00.000-08:002007-12-14T11:00:30.549-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHF4RWHfcB66jK7y2ncOB-IrI3Gfvr_ESVh4pHtUX4wzefoa5ws52a42KjqY9Dx1k9-bc1AQhxYYaQRNCyGJl0HK7InBl1g5XGeO0QNcWmQTvcVHIRhZ4q0mLijTFf1qLn81RnIv-3z3w/s1600-h/deb-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHF4RWHfcB66jK7y2ncOB-IrI3Gfvr_ESVh4pHtUX4wzefoa5ws52a42KjqY9Dx1k9-bc1AQhxYYaQRNCyGJl0HK7InBl1g5XGeO0QNcWmQTvcVHIRhZ4q0mLijTFf1qLn81RnIv-3z3w/s320/deb-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143905487322328946" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Whether your organization is geared to Jewish continuity, education, culture, religion, social welfare, the environment, or Israel – or all of the above – your </span><i style="font-family: arial;">Professional Staff, Board, Lay Leadership</i><span style="font-family:arial;"> and </span><i style="font-family: arial;">Volunteers</i><span style="font-family:arial;"> need the knowledge, skills and motivation to successfully drive your mission and vision. </span> <p style="font-family: arial;" class="home-text-white">My Jewish Coach delivers educational, inspirational and motivational workshops for all of your organization’s key stakeholders. </p>My Jewish Coach.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17038084172143295878noreply@blogger.com0