A Price Above Platinum: The Gift of Listening

"Each person was given two ears and one tongue so that one may listen more than speak." Hasdai Ibn Crescas

I think most of us are waaaaaaay out of proportion. The fact that most of us do far more talking than listening is a no-brainer. What does take some thought is how we can engage in real, committed, attentive listening -- an incredible, memorable gift.

The International Listening Association (yep, there is one!) gives us the following stats:

• We usually recall only 50% immediately after we listen to someone talk
• We only remember about 20% of what we hear
• 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business
• Less than 2% of us have formal educational experience with listening (in fact, I am doing a full-day session on Listening Skills for the U.S. Army this March. I wanted to call it "Atten-TION! Slow Down and Listen Up!" but the Army didn't think this was as clever as I did. Oh, well.)

I recall with complete clarity the day I was given the rare gift of committed, uninterrupted listening. One day when I was working at United Jewish Communities, I had a meeting with a colleague of mine, Janice Stolar (now the Chief Advancement Officer of Ort America). As soon as I sat down in her office, I had Janice's undivided attention. Within seconds, I heard the tell-tale chime of an email coming in. Janice didn't flinch. A phone call followed, and Janice didn't even check the caller ID. We had five or six more potential interruptions -- and I say potential, because Janice didn't allow them to become actual. Our time was sacred to her, and in a single 15-minute meeting, my respect for Janice multiplied many times over.

How powerful was that listening? Well, I still remember it six years later, and when I saw Janice this year at the General Assembly I reminded her about it, too. And you know what? She didn't need reminding. She remembered that conversation -- probably because she was really and truly present.

Now, without showing off, I must proclaim that I am among the 2% of people who have had formal training -- both through my Masters program in Social Work, and through my coach training program at Coach U. Despite what I have learned in the classroom (and what I have paid tens of thousands of dollars for), two more powerful things have taught me to be a committed, undistracted listener: 1) the sheer repetition of practicing my listening skills in every coaching conversation that I have and 2) my experience with Janice.

Who listens to you the way you deserve to be listened to? Who deserves your complete attention? How might turning off the blackberry, cell phone, and ignoring other distractions help you improve your relationships with colleagues, lay leaders, friends and family? What is your single biggest challenge? Let me know!

Deborah
www.myjewishcoach.com
www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com
www.myjewishcoach.blogspot.com

A Shiur for Supervision

In "life before consulting", I was the Director of Education and Training for United Jewish Communities Mandel Center for Leadership Excellence. (UJC is the umbrella organization for 155 Jewish Federations and 400 affiliated communities.) Because our department focused on developing skills, career paths, and learning experiences for professional staff as well as volunteers, we were participants in and facilitators of many, many conversations about supervision -- what skills new supervisors need to successfully transition to their new roles, how good supervision helps professionals to grow in their roles, the importance of training, mentoring and coaching for supervisors, and of course, how poor supervision can quickly turn a dedicated Jewish communal professional into an active job-seeker.

I was one of the lucky ones. My supervisor, Debbi, knew exactly when to offer support and when to offer direction, made herself available to discuss problems while still expecting me to bring her solutions, allowed me the freedom to take professional risks, and demonstrated genuine interest in me as a person. We had the kind of supervisory relationship that I know was the envy of many -- and it was the envy of many because so many were lacking what I -- we -- had.

Debbi and I often reflected on the old adage, "people don't leave bad jobs -- they leave bad supervisors." We had seen it happen so frequently within the Jewish communal world that it appeared to be an epidemic. And every time another instance occurred, she and I shook our heads, and drew closer, not unlike a married couple who bonds together against the news of a another couple's divorce.

Until it was time for me to leave. How on earth would I be able to communicate to Debbi that this was one of the exceptions -- I was not leaving a bad supervisor, and in fact, my relationship with her was one of the reasons I stayed as long as I did...

I probably cannot remember everything I said in that tearful conversation, but I do know it was like Dorothy telling Scarecrow as she was leaving Oz that she would miss him most of all.
And true to form, Debbi knew just how to support me, professionally and personally.

More than 4 years later, I am still in frequent contact with Debbi, and I consider her to be a member of my Personal Board of Directors. And as I travel around the North American Jewish community training and coaching supervisors in Federations, schools, agencies, and other organizations, I feel blessed to have such a wonderful example to take with me as a rare, real-life case study of what supervision can and should be.

Who is your model of an effective supervisor? For whom are you that model? What more do you need from yours? What more can you offer?

Deborah
www.jewishorganizations.blogspot.com
www.myjewishcoach.com

Leadership is about what you DO!

"Leadership is action, not position." -- Donald H. McGannon, Former CEO, Westinghouse Broadcast Corporation

Whether you are the board president, the rabbi, rosh yeshiva, CEO -- or hold any title that makes people site up and take notice, remember what people really want and need from you -- your commitment to roll up your sleeves and participate in a meaningful way.

I believe that most of us have two fundamental needs, regardless of our role in the organization -- the need to benefit and the need to contribute. In fact, when I teach sessions on running effective meetings, those are the two criteria for determining who should attend a meeting. If a meeting participant will neither benefit from nor contribute to a meeting, then give them back their time to do something more useful than sit in on a meeting! Trust me -- he or she will thank you for it, and your meeting participants will appreciate a leaner, more focused meeting process.

Those in Jewish organizational leadership positions often benefit from title, position, status, connections, and paycheck for those in paid positions (and yes, I see you -- the one eye-rolling about the idea of benefiting from a Jewish organizational paycheck. But I won't let you distract me!).

Here's the question: does your level of contribution -- decisions made, problems solved, resources developed -- meet or exceed the benefits you receive from your position? How would your lay or professional counterparts and direct reports answer that if asked about you?

If you're not sure, are you willing to ask? If you're willing to ask, who will you start with? If you're not willing, why?

In the words of writer Elbert Hubbard, "Don't make excuses. Make good."

Frustrated with Jewish Communal Work: An Evocative Question

My husband Michael sits on the executive committee of our kids' Jewish day school. An alum of the school himself, he takes his board work seriously, and is proudly following in the footsteps of his parents (his dad was board president and his mom was president of the Parents Association). And like so many of us involved in mission-driven work, he has come home from his board meetings frustrated at times -- with a process, a decision, a comment, etc.

When I see his annoyance, I often think about a comment I heard from Reconstructionist Rabbi David Teutsch, one of the foremost Jewish communal thinkers in America, who currently leads the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College's Center for Jewish Ethics. When discussing the interplay of Jewish values and organizational decision making, he commented that "the people who make the decisions should also feel the pain of those decisions."

I have to imagine that he meant pain both literally and figuratively -- but I do know that many of us in Jewish communal work -- paid or volunteer -- feel that pain, that frustration, that disappointment often enough for us to wonder if this is worth the tsuris.

While I don't have the answers, I do have an evocative question for you to ask yourself, shared with me by master coach Steve Mitten:

Do you want to serve where it's easy -- or where you're needed?

What did that bring up for you? What answers? What feelings? What considerations? Sit with your thoughts for a while. Ask yourself again on a different kind of day. Ask your professional or lay counterpart. Have a discussion.

On my last day of coaching school at Coach U., my esteemed faculty team warned us that coaches are NOT to coach their family members without their permission. I tested that theory out soon after graduation, and found, of course, that they were right on the money.

So the next time I see Michael come home from a board meeting feeling that way, I think I'll just hear him out, and maybe let him know that I have a blog entry he might want to check out...

Say "RA! RA!" to get Staff and Volunteers Motivated!

RA! RA!

Yes, when it comes to getting your staff, volunteers, donors, members, etc. excited and engaged about their work for and connection to your Jewish organization, you're going to need to create a little ruach: "RA! RA!"

Now before you pull out your high-school pom-poms, try this less embarrassing and more effective approach to rally the troops:

R - Recognition: Tell your staff members and volunteers specifically what they have done to make your life easier and/or how they have contributed to the organization's mission. Make sure that you meet each person's preferences for how they like to be recognized (publicly vs. privately, in-person vs. over the phone, in writing, with a small token, etc.)

A - Appreciation: The options are endless and you can find one that fits your budget and timing: take someone to lunch, give a Starbucks gift card, stop and ask them about a hobby or personal interest, offer some schedule flexibility, allot some professional development budget for them, or just take the time to tell them. Oh, and remember handwritten thank you notes? They never go out of style!

R - Respect: Trade in the Golden Rule (treat others as you would want to be treated) for the Platinum Rule (treat others as THEY would would want to be treated). So, while you are finding out how each of your staff and volunteers defines respect, here's one universally appreciated gift: Listening. Really listening. That means listening on two levels -- for both content (what is being said, and what isn't being said) and emotion (how the message is being communicated). To do this effectively, you'll need to put away the Blackberry, turn off the lap top, and get rid of any other distractions. Attentive listening is hard -- and desperately needed. But its free of charge and looks good on everyone. Try it.

A - Accountability: When the U.S. Army was looking for a workshop on Accountability, they found my online self-assessment, downloaded it, and called us up for training. I invite you to take this assessment and see where your staff and volunteers may be looking to you for greater leadership: www.myjewishcoach.com/pdf/accountability-self-assess.pdf.

When it comes to retaining your organizations most important resources -- your human resources -- make sure you take the time and make the effort to give them what they need to keep contributing.

RA! RA!

Whether your organization is geared to Jewish continuity, education, culture, religion, social welfare, the environment, or Israel – or all of the above – your Professional Staff, Board, Lay Leadership and Volunteers need the knowledge, skills and motivation to successfully drive your mission and vision.

My Jewish Coach delivers educational, inspirational and motivational workshops for all of your organization’s key stakeholders.